Nothing can make this Christmas good. No gift. It is nothing material. It's the fact that I'm in Mobile for Christmas. I have almost no friends...I think my dad is back in the hospital, and I'm sure it's for the same reason as last time. I can't handle it. I'm home alone for the weekend at that, no one felt it was necessary to spend Christmas weekend with me. I don't know about me anymore, I really don't. I spend too much time pretending to be happy, too much time avoiding the inevitable. I've been fighting depression for what...5 or 6 years? It doesn't go away, no matter how much I try to cover it up. No matter how happy I think I am, it all fades away. The few people I have loved, I push away because I do not want to drag them down with me. The other people I feel that I connect to, have nothing to do with me unless it is convenient for them. I can't take it...

I think the fact that I'm not with either one of my parents this Christmas really bothers me. This is the 2nd year in a row I did not see my dad on Christmas day. It is fucking pathetic. All I do is try to show him I care about him, but he does this shit to me.

I have no one to talk to here. The people that care about me are in Houston...and they're busy. or gone. Or I'm too stupid to tell them how I really feel.

I've dug too much of a hole...my past haunts me.

Yes yes yes...it's my birthday. So happy birthday to me.

I'm no longer a teenager, boy does that suck.

Hey. I have a lot to say. I need to get around to updating this and I promise I will over the next few days. I'm going to try and get back into using my LJ. Anyone want to rebuild my page for me, make it look snazzy?

I hate Alabama, and I want to move home.

I just went and saw MC Chris Saturday night. Probably the most entertaining thing I've done in months.
I got a concussion in my last rugby game. And I think I have hernia in my groin. But. I will tell you all about that later.

I hate it here!

Houston is so much better. Since being here, I haven't went out once. Nope...none.

I better find some friends when school starts, but I'm sure I'll be too busy trying to work...and struggling to fit Rugby into my schedule. But I refuse to quit...its the only source of fun I have. The only escape I have to release anger. Frustration, etc. When I'm on the field, nothing else matters.

POOP! Someone save me. Win me a million dollars.

Yea, I know, I shouldn't been letting people know for quite some time that I was leaving but I've been busy and ya' know, kinda avoiding it. But, well...all I can really say is goodbye. and sorry.

Leaving at 6 in the morning. So, guess will see all of you some other day. Sorry for not really saying bye, and not hanging out with most of you when I should have.

I'll miss Houston, I'm sure. But I need a change of atmosphere, a new lifestyle...just, ya' know. Some excitement. Houston got boring. I was stuck in a dead end job, and a dead end everything else. School wasn't that great my first year. But now, everything will be different, hopefully.

And I honestly don't care about people's jokes cause, as long as I'm happy, then I could be living in middle of nowhere with a bunch of rednecks, it doesn't matter.

So, goodbye Houston.

I never update...I've fallen partially in love with my xanga. Or, maybe I'm just extremely lazy and never update anything. Either way...in due for an update.
Prepping for Theology test tomorrow, snot worried though. Looking forward to getting the test out of the way though.
Thursday = Public Speaking test. A bit worried. I lost my notebook the Wednesday before Spring Break...lost a bunch of notes, handouts...got over it. I know I lose everything.

I'm falling for this girl. I don't think she knows it...and I could be crazy. Who am I kidding, I am crazy. I deserve to be in a loony bin. I aced my English mid term. 93. I'm not doing so hot in my Environmental Science class and lab. Oh well.

3 months from tomorrow...possibly...= my departure. Shall I start the partying...the bonding...now?

So lately, I've been sickened by these couples that are all into each other. From random xanga's and livejournals, some people on myspace, etc. It just sickens me. I could call it jealousy, but I can't because I don't want anyone. I've had a lot of opportunities to "love"...but I think love is just over rated. I've been there, done that...it usually just ends up shitty no matter what. Because eventually, even if everything is perfect, one of you has to die. So the whole purpose of love is to feel pain. At least, that's what I think.

School is super shitty. I'm really behind in every class, but all I do is homework and read. I have to write a paper tonight, and begin working on two more huge papers. It's going to be exciting. The two huge papers are due a week from today, by huge I mean 5 pages. But it's 5 pages over crap I know nothing about.
Paper 1 = 2 page paper over Sir Gawain & The Green Knight
Paper 2 = 5 page paper over passage from Bible (fuck you Theology, God doesn't exist)
Paper 3 = 5 page paper over "Dead Man Walking" (fuck you Ethics, you're a pointless class)

So yea, 2 & 3 are going to suck the life away from me this week. I shouldn't be in these classes. For those of you that don't know, I'm finally moving from Houston. It's a wonderful thing, I still need to get more stuff situated, but I'm most likely going to University of South Alabama.

The bad thing though, I am in constant contemplation of dropping out right now. I'm going to fail most of my classes, I just...I'm not smart and I'm sick of trying to act smart. I study, I read, I go to class...but I don't comprehend the knowledge nor do I store it. I cheated in high school or used notes on almost all of my tests. Every once in awhile, I got something.

You'll just say I'm being down on myself, but I'm truly not. I bust my ass off for nothing I think.

So the moral to this entry...love is over rated and school sucks.

I don't even go out anymore. Going out for me is going to play Rugby games in another city. So I can't quit. I need the escape. But I'm taking this week off due to homework and what not.

Oh wait, Valentine's Day gets better for me. Two papers due and a Test in Environmental Science lab.

I miss my LJ friends.

how are all of you?

Well, I'm going to update this livejournal for old time's sake.

I can't really say what's been going on lately, cause nothing has. I've sunken into this constant circle of life. School, rugby, sleep, work, homework (x100,000). It's an infinite loop and I loathe it.

Nothing spontaneous...nothing insanely fun. No late night trips to Galveston, no hanging out with my old friends.

It's starting to hit me that I have the option of moving in 5 months! 5...
Isn't that scary? To know that Joey is finally going to leave Houston for a year or so. A YEAR! I just want out of this god forsaken town.
Right now, there's a person in my room that really annoys me...to the maximum. I can't stand people, let alone annoying people. I really have grown to hate St. Thomas, it's a sad excuse for a college. The girls here are lame, the people here are immature...it's just a high school with older people.

Only thing I enjoy here is Rugby...And maybe my English class. Then again, there's the group of girls in there who still think they're in high school! So whatever.

I'm going to go take a nap...yes, nap I shall. Then I might do something tonight, probably not though.

Hi, my name is Joey.

I'm so E M O.

Have you seen my hair? It's like totally dyed and dark like my heart. Yes, I said it my heart is dyed, or dead... I can't remember which right now.